"He's a monster, he's getting what he deserves," I told her, she turned toface me and slapped me across the face before walking away.The bastard brother of mine actually told the court she had drugged him,somehow made him think he had a best friend who just vanished off the faceof the earth and was forgotten by everyone and that she was trying to dosomething with him before he beat her up even though they found no drugs inhis systemI went to the pub that night for a few drinks and some friends. "It tasted fine to me, delicate and creamy in fact. I couldn't imagine it being any better, and told her so. Her response: "If I were Judith and you Holofernes, I would cut off your head for impertinence!" A rather drastic remedy, I thought.Rather than cutting off my head, she filled it with a cultural education of sorts. We haunted foreign film festivals, viewed the works of Bresson ("Le Filou"), Carné, Eisenstein, Buñuel, Fritz Lang. She assigned me books to read, and we. Sandra was in the bathroom getting ready for the dance. She said, “I laid out your tuxedo, and your dancing shoes.”I went into the closet and grabbed my army barracks and duffle bags leftover from my service time and tossed them on the bed on top of the tux. I opened the wardrobe cupboard that had my casual clothes in it and started stuffing my blue jeans, flannel shirts, underwear, and other stuff that I wanted when I left.Sandra came out of the bathroom and saw what I was doing and screamed;. Sometimes even more.”To Luke, it seemed that the myriad and impenetrable grays of his horizon were inexorably darkening. If there’s been a theme running through the entirety of our relationship, that’s it right there. That love means I can hurt her. That I am hurting her by the very act of loving her. Wendy tried and failed to make me hear the words, and it took me a truly unfortunate amount of time to understand what they mean. But even after everything that’s happened, I still don’t know what.
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