I was learning this was my role and purpose in life.I cleaned him with my mouth but he asked for a washcloth. I jumped up and ran into the bathroom to retrieve one. I failed to drop and read my mantra before entering my bedroom. When I came out, I was still excited and happy from having pleased Bryan. I noticed he was standing. I saw this look like I disappointed him. He pointed to my mantra and asked if I had forgotten something. I knew now what I had done. He grabbed my tiny wrist and laid me. “I mean it. You try to run and… and, I’llblow your fucking head off.” There was a quaver in hervoice (he hadn’t heard it before) that suggested shewas either not completely sober or not completely sane.Either way, there was no reason to believe she wouldn’tcarry out her threat. He began sliding down the bank tothe rushing water. “Under the bridge.” He hesitated. “NOW!” she whispered,but her whisper was a growl. He rushed under. Tonight I didn’t go to bed as early as before, as a result my mother got changed without her enthusiastic voyeur. But tonight she invited me to sleep in her bed, “so that I can keep an eye on you my sick boy”.That night I went to bed lying next to her, she left her light on, falling asleep whilst reading, and for the first time I lay there listening to her breathing, watching the rise and fall of her chest, her breasts rising and falling as she slept, her nipples poking through the fabric of. "Please tell me. I want to know who your seeing. That's all. I'd like to know what her name is. Please?"Taking in a deep breath, and then letting it out, I said: "I'm not seeing another woman. I told you." But I'm certain your seeing someone else for sex," she replied, now expressing, not anger, but a kind of frustration with my avoidance of answering her question."I'm seeing," I began, and then paused. Then, taking in, and letting out another breath, I said: "I go see this other guy. Jack is.
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