.And then there are those very few of us who, for some reason or another, have rejected that paternalistic religious power trip.In my case, it happened on a trip to Jamaica, on my honeymoon. Luckily, towards the end of the honeymoon, after my husband had broken my hymen, then squirted inside me, then collapsed asleep beside me. He did this once every night for the first week, then every second night for the second week, always in the same position, dripping sweat onto me while I was. Then I went a little further in. After a few seconds, I stopped beside a large tree, feeling the age that emanated from it. The calm acceptance and unlimited patience. The feelings made me suddenly think of Gandhi, realizing that trees were the ultimate in the passive resistance that he preached. Then, on a sudden impulse, I scrambled up the bare trunk of the tree, climbing just as fast as any squirrel, and as easily. There weren't even any marks left in the bark from where my nails had dug. "How are you feeling?" Marcus asked, nodding towards her hands which were stroking over her stomach."It changes," she smiled, hugging herself. "I keep stopping to look in the mirror to see if I'm showing yet, but I don't know if I'll be happy or upset when I do. I'm paranoid about eating too much, or too little, or the wrong things."Mostly, though, I just feel alive. It's an incredible knowledge that there's a life growing inside me, even if I can't really feel it yet. I keep thinking it's. Later, I learned it was breast milk, that when she had a baby many years ago, she liked to breast feed she just never stopped. When I was small and ran in to ask for the till receipts, I saw her dress was usually wet in front on her large breasts. I always thought since she was a larger woman, maybe three hundred pounds, that she sweated. It was only later when I saw something that changed my life that I realized it was sweet, heavenly titty milk. When I was fifteen, I was asked to help tend.
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